Mother's Day Tradition 2013

Mother's Day 2005



Mother's Day 2006



Mother's Day 2007



Mother's Day 2008



Mother's Day 2009



Mother's Day 2010



Mother's Day 2011



Mother's Day 2012


Mother's Day 2013

February

February was a busy and wonderful month for us!

Anthony had "Dress Wacky" day at school.


Mommy and Daddy took Abby to see "Disney on Ice" for her birthday. She was mesmerized by the Princesses. She loved them, but was sad there was no appearance by Cinderella. So, she took a liking to Belle, for the day.


We were finally able to schedule Aiden's birthday trip with his friend Brayden. They had lunch and a cake at our home, with a Mario theme, then had a blast playing at Funway together.




This girl took my breath away with her beauty. She looks so grown up to me!


Abby started her first dance class. She loves it!




I got to go on a retreat with our church. It was three wonderful days of sewing and crafting! I'm so thankful for Patrick pushing me to go. He is so amazing with the kids, I don't even have to worry about them when I'm gone. I was renewed spiritually and emotionally and I got a little rest too. I have nearly completed my very first quilt. It was so much fun!






The Cinderella obsession continues. She watches the movie every chance she gets. We own it on VHS. She has nearly worn it out. We have got to get the DVD before a tragedy strikes! I love her hair like this, I call it the Princess Leia look.


He just keeps getting bigger. His personality is so cute right now. I love watching him when Patrick comes home from work. He stops whatever he is doing and runs, arms stretched open, for his Daddy.

January

I can't find a bunch of my pictures. Like Christmas and stuff. Plus, my laptop isn't working right now. But I'm gonna update anyway, the best I can!

In January the kids and I drove to Texas. We had a blast together on the trip and the kids were so good. I was very proud of them! Andon tried his first milkshake. He wasn't a fan. He doesn't really like anything cold, so I wasn't surprised he didn't like it very much.



The littles enjoyed the new sensory table Andon got for Christmas from Nan and Grandaddy. We've played and played in this with all different kinds of things.



Aiden got hooked up for his 48 hour EEG.


He played alot of video games since he was tethered to a video camera for that period of time.


The boys won prizes in the Scout Pine Wood Derby. Aiden won for "Scariest Car" and Anthony won for "Funniest Car" and both boys had a blast making their cars with their Daddy.


The Princess became more and more obsessed with Cinderella.


Aiden turned 8. For the first time ever he didn't want a big party with lots of people. Instead he asked to take a friend to the local arcade place. It was strange not throwing a big party for him.

Abby turned 3. Here she is with her Lambie.


Her party was Cinderella, of course.


Anthony continued with karate. No this isn't a picture of that. Man, I wish I knew where my pictures ended up!

Response to Tragedy

It's nearly 2am. I'm still awake, with my precious baby boy asleep on my chest. The only thing that would make that better right now is if my three bigger babies could fit next to him. My heart aches for those in Connecticut who would give anything to hold their child. Yet, the problem will never be solved in the media coverage, the political realm, the legal world, or the social and psychological analysis that will undoubtedly happen over the next several years. The why and what if, though inevitable, is futile. I put my son in a grave. And what I learned through loss is that God did that first. He buried His son. He is the only One who can truly fathom this pain and walk these families home to Him and His perfect love in a sin filled world. May this tragedy awaken us to sharing Him and His story.

Words From Today

Today my Aiden taught me how to make a "turkey pie." My favorite part of his recipe was "you need to bake the pie crust, not too hot and not too cold, about 50" and that "you should put the turkey in at about 30 and bake it for 30 minutes before putting it in the pie." I love that little chef, but I don't think I'm going to be having turkey pie anytime soon.

Anthony saw me grab a piece of leftover Halloween candy for snack today and said, "Oh! I want a Kitty Kat too!" He got his Kit Kat for snack.

Andon fell asleep in the van on the way home from Bible Study today. When I began unbuckling him, trying to keep him asleep, he opened his eyes wide and said, "Mama!" It was such a happy little look on his face, like he was so surprised to see me. He got very excited when I picked him up and carried him in the house. He was not as excited when I put him in his highchair to begin lunch. The crying was quickly resolved with a bologna sandwich.

Going through the nightly routine tonight I told Abby to go jump in bed and I would be in there in a minute. She was climbing in her bed and said, "Mommy are you gonna tuck me up???" It was so precious, I tucked her up.



I love their minds, their imaginations, and their mispronunciations that will soon fade away. Now, it is past my time to be tucked up, I mean tucked in.

My Road

I have tens of millions of blog posts floating around in my head. Of all of them, this one makes the least "sense" to write today. However, it is what God is calling me to write. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I have been dealing with another bout of depression recently. Maybe it is because someone else needs to read it. Maybe because it will help me heal a little more and this is the proper time to remove the band aid on this scar. Maybe because I have been wanting to write all of my children's stories out and I can't write their stories without starting at the beginning of my road.

It was the end of March 2002. Patrick and I had been married for less than a month. He was still in seminary, I had graduated. I was looking for a ministry position. I had been asked to come to First Baptist Church, Granbury, Texas,as their preschool minister. It was a part-time position, but I was very excited about it. I was scared about how Patrick and I would weave married life, ministry, school, and family into one big tapestry.

I was about to be an aunt. My brother and sister-in-law were expecting their first child. I've never been more excited about a life! I called him Doodle Bug. Our family had been praying for him for several years. I was going to be the best aunt ever.

There were complications. His mother became very ill. They care flighted her from Eastland to Fort Worth, where we lived. I met them at the hospital. They stabilized her for a while. I sat in her hospital room, cross stitching a baby sampler, for about a week. Eventually the decision had to be made to do a c-section to try and save both of them. She was twenty four weeks along. The baby was a boy. My nephew. He was beyond tiny, the tiniest baby ever to be in Cooks NICU at the time. Matthew Dean. Following the c-section, I sat in that same hospital room, begging God not to take his mother. Her blood pressure was dangerously high. My brother had to be with the baby. I prayed over those numbers on the monitors constantly for hours until they ever so slowly came down. He was born on April 5th.

On April 7th I became the new Preschool Minister at FBC, Granbury. I asked for prayers for Matthew. As a family we prayed. As a family we lived in the NICU waiting room. We sang "Jesus Loves You" over him. We dreamed of his future. We believed that God would heal him. For three weeks we believed.

God didn't heal him. Three weeks later Matthew died. Our family was there, in a room the hospital provided for us. I held him. I loved him. I was so mad at God for not healing him. I watched him breathe his last breath. My heart shattered into a million pieces. My faith in God broke.

We buried Matthew. My family clung to Jesus. I could not fathom the words of my brother at the funeral of his son. He still had faith in God. I secretly wondered if he was faking it, I knew I was. My husband begged me to not give up on God. I told him there was no God. I went to "work" at the church. I was a preschool minister, sharing the love of Christ with children and I did not believe there was a God. This lasted for several months. I went through the motions. This greatly affected my performance and ministry at this church. I was young and naive. I wish someone had reached out to me and told me to get some counseling. I wish someone would have recognized what a life shattering event this was for someone whose whole life was children. When you are called of God to work with children and one so close to you dies, if will alter your perspective and should never be swept under the rug.

Even in my disbelief I cried out to God. I yelled, I screamed, I wept. I swore I could never go through that as a mother. I told God to never give me a child if He just planned to take it from me. (He didn't agree.) It took years to work through some of this. Some of it, I still haven't worked through. Some of it, I never will work through.

Many great things did come from this. There are too many amazing positives to this story to write. I do believe in God. I do believe Matthew is in heaven, playing with my children. I do believe if I had not gone through this first, I would not have come out of my own loss alive. Matthew's loss is the beginning of my path to motherhood. I believe God knows best. I believe He is in control.

This began my journey of loss. I would have been the best aunt ever.

Two become One

This morning as I was getting in my van to take the big boys to school, I thought to myself, "I wonder how Patrick is doing, I wonder how his night went at work." Then, I started humming and then singing, "Good morning Beautiful, how was your night . . ." At that moment my phone alerted me that I had a text message. I picked up my phone and read this:

"Good morning Beautiful! How was your night? Mine was sucky without you by my side."

When God said, "and the two shall become one" He really means it.

Loving my husband a little more every. single. day.