Happy Heaven Day!

Today marks two years that Colin Michael Bailey went to heaven. He was stillborn at 32 weeks on the day we moved to Macomb. He had his big brothers nose. He had a full head of beautiful black hair. He was perfect in every single way, 2 pounds and 4 ounces of pure innocence. He died due to maternal floor infarction of the placenta, a very rare condition where the placenta doesn't form correctly. For 32 weeks we spoke to him, sang to him, and loved him. We named him and planned his future. We planned our future as a family of four.

Today we went to his grave to release balloons and wish Colin a Happy Heaven Day. We talked about how much we miss him and how things have changed in two years. Aiden and I made up a long elaborate story about Colin playing with Jesus. As we neared the grave we found something unexpected. Last November we placed tiny pumpkins at his grave. Today, there was a vine growing, with yellow flowers, and two tiny pumpkins on it that aren't quite ripe yet. God brings life from death. We joked that Colin is better at growing things than I am.

I think of him daily and wonder if things had been different what it would have looked like. But Colin did in 32 weeks, what it takes most people a lifetime to do. He fulfilled God's purpose for him. I don't even pretend to understand it, but I do live my life differently because of Colin's influence on my life. I love deeper because of my son. I weep openly and I laugh louder. I tickle my boys and I tell them I love them more often.

So, thank you Colin. You taught me to live without regrets. I miss you baby. My heart aches for you and my arms still long to hold you again. At night I sing to you, even though you are no longer here and I trust that you can hear me. I cannot wait to see you again. I am "Homesick" because of you. I rejoice today that you are with our Jesus! Happy Heaven day baby!

All my love,
Mommy