Thursday, August 7, 2008
Thank you for your prayers
We confirmed with another ultrasound today that Dash is no longer with us. We have scheduled a D&C for Monday morning around 8:30. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Please pray for healing for Patrick. Please pray specifically for my faith. To be honest, my faith is currently very shaken. I don't understand four losses in 2.5 years. I can't see or understand God's plan or love for me right now. My heart is hurting so bad I'm having problems getting past the pain to lean on the Truth I know to be there. My words right now are a mixture of blasphemy and scripture, it is a very strange place to be. And I honestly know that I will come out of it, on the other end, with a stronger faith. But I need to question and hurt for a bit. It's as if I am currently in a tunnel. I know there is a light on the other end (and it's Still not a train), but I must go through the tunnel. The tunnel is dark, cold, scary, and really long. The tunnel is full of unanswered questions that must be asked, conversations, no arguments, with God that must be spoken, but that doesn't mean He's not in the tunnel with me. Pray for my journey.