A Letter to my Daughter

I've been trying to figure out how to blog about what is currently happening with our pregnancy. I just haven't been able to do it. I finally realized, I was trying to talk to the wrong audience.

Dear Abby,

I doubt that you will ever know how precious you are to your Mommy. Right now I'm sitting in my recliner in the living room feeling you kick me from the inside. Those kicks are like gold to me. I'm literally counting every single one of them and timing how long it takes you until you kick me again. If at any moment you stop kicking me your Daddy and I will rush to the hospital. Your touch means life. You respond to Mommy singing and to your brothers laughter. You especially seem to like it when you hear your Daddy's voice. You really like it when Mommy eats chocolate, but the doctors have asked me to stop having sugar for a little while. Sorry about that!

There is something about Mommy's body that isn't allowing you to get the blood and nutrients you need. The doctors don't know how to fix it. The only thing that might help is for me to be on strict bedrest. When most people hear that Mommy can't do anything but get up to go to the bathroom, they feel sorry for me. I would love to be up and shopping for you! There's still so many things I feel like we need to do to prepare for you to be here. But baby girl, if me not moving keeps you alive and helps you grow a tiny bit, I'll ask them to paralyze me.

Right now, you should weigh about four pounds. The last time we checked you were about 2 pounds and 12 ounces. Your growth is about four weeks behind right now, except your head, it's right on track. You're going to be smart like your brothers! We can't check to see how you are growing again until Tuesday the 19th. I pray several times a day that God will help you gain weight and those little bones of yours will gain in size. The two week wait between measurements on you is excruciating for me. It seems to last forever.

Right now, we have three doctors appointments a week. We go see Dr. Tom, our OB, on Tuesdays and Fridays. The nurses put a monitor on Mommy's tummy, so we can hear your heartbeat and listen to you move. They always ask Mommy and Daddy if we want them to turn the machine where we can't hear you. It always makes us laugh. Daddy and I ask them to turn it up. There's nothing as precious to us right now as the sound of your beating heart. It's like a galloping horse. You really hate the monitors. You kick them really hard and one time you made one come off and fly across the room. Mommy understands! I don't like how the monitors feel, but I sure do love that they let me listen to you.

On Tuesdays, after we see Dr. Tom, we go see Dr. Hanif, our perinatologist. This is my favorite appointment of the week. We always get to see you on the ultrasound. They check to see if you are practicing your breathing, your heart rate, how you are moving, and most importantly they check the blood flow from me to you. We always get a great look at you. You are already so beautiful! I love looking at you! These appointments are where we determine if you get to stay inside Mommy or if you are in danger and need to come out. So far, you've passed the tests and are still inside.

Most babies stay inside their Mommy's tummy for 40 weeks. You and I have made it to 33 weeks. This is good! But you are still so tiny. Even preemie clothes will not fit you right now. I packed your diaper bag last night and everything I put in it would be too big for you, but it all said it would fit up to five pounds. I would give anything to have to find something bigger for you to wear, so let's try to make it to 34 weeks, okay? After that, you and I will talk again and we'll aim for 35, deal? The doctors tell me that our ultimate goal is to get you to 36 weeks, so only about three more weeks little one. We can do that! After all, you come from a long, long line of incredibly strong women! You have two grandmothers (Mimi and Nan) that I cannot wait for you to meet, they've both been an incredible inspiration to me and I know they will be to you too!

There are so many on the outside that are waiting to meet you. Your Daddy, he's head over heels for you sweet girl. You're gonna get anything you want from him. Mommy is pretty sure I'm going to have to watch him really closely or we won't have any money for food because he's buying things for his baby girl. You have so many here that love you. I cannot wait for you to meet your family. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms.

I wouldn't be honest if I said I wasn't scared. I'm terrified of losing you sweetheart. That's why we've asked so many people to pray for you and Mommy. We've asked them to specifically pray for you to grow. I know that God is knitting you together in my womb. He promises that. I know that He is in charge sweetie and He knows exactly what you need.

We named you Abigail Jaicee because Jaicee means healer. Daily, I am asking God to be your healer. Oh sweetheart, you know how I said your touch is as life to me right now? Well baby, that's only a glimpse of what the touch of our Savior is like! His healing, life-giving touch, that's what we pray for and set our faith upon. When I first found out about you, I referred to you as a Kiss from God, that's how you got your nickname Hershey. I am anxiously waiting to hold you. I know that you have been (and will be in the next few weeks) kissed by our God. What an awesome privilege it will be to hold in my arms a kiss from my Father.

Grow sweetness! I love you!
Mommy