I began writing this blog post in my head around naptime today (about fifteen hours ago) and this is the first time I've had both hands available to type. Earlier in the day I was very frustrated with the lack of things I was accomplishing. It's been a long time since I've had a newborn. I have forgotten how much time goes into just feeding a baby. Having a newborn with two very active preschool boys? Never done that and it takes alot of time! Don't hear me wrong, I am loving every single moment of it, but sometimes I look at my to do list and see it growing longer. As it grows I get more and more frustrated with myself. I expect nothing but superwoman powers from myself! Those of you that know me well, know how much I love my lists and even more how I love to mark things off of them. I get discouraged when nothing gets marked off in an hour, much less the entire day.
So, I found myself in an interesting position today. Abby really wanted to be held this morning. Both boys were vying for attention. I was internally berating myself for the laundry not being done. I began to form a plan of attack on my chores in my head that involved naptime. Aiden would be in preschool, Anthony would be napping, and Patrick was planning on taking Abby with him to do some ministry. It should be the perfect time to wash dishes and throw some laundry in and I might even have enough time to get two or three things marked off of that ever growing to do list. I planned to get dressed even! I didn't plan for a shower, I mean I expect superwoman, but let's be realistic here! God had other plans for naptime.
Patrick got Aiden off to school and came back for Abby. Anthony and I ate our lunch and I hurried him to the restroom for that last potty stop, mentally calculating how many hours I would have to work. I suddenly found myself alone with one child. This is rare. Anthony, being the intelligent little boy that he is, recognized this rare phenomenon and seized the moment with everything he had. He quickly grabbed my hand and turned me to look at him. The biggest smile lit his face up.
"Mama! I sweep with you!"
"Oh no baby, Mama isn't napping today. I've got too much work to do."
The smile was gone. His head dropped. His whole body mirrored the disappointment. Instantly I flashed back to a few days before when I heard my youngest son say, "you don't like me anymore" because I couldn't get him a snack while nursing Abby at the same time. This precious little boy had been catapulted into a whole new world with a little sister and a Mama who couldn't give him her full attention. I had the time and the ability to give him my full attention and I said no. God knocked me over the head and the heart. Thank goodness!
I scooped up my not so little boy and said, "I don't want a nap, but I do want to sleep with you!" The smile returned with a giggle.
We laid down together and he formed his little body to mine. I really wasn't sleepy, thanks to my sweet husband letting me sleep late that morning. This gave me the ability to pray over Anthony. I spent naptime holding my little boy and praying over him. Some of the prayers were for immediate issues, like his adjustment to our new family situation. Others were for his future, his wife, his children. I eventually did fall asleep with him tucked in my arms. When we woke up he put both hands on my face and smiled. Neither one of us said a word, we just sat and looked at each other.
These moments are going by so quickly. He will be four in just a few days. It seems like yesterday I held him for the first time. He was so little, just a little bigger than Abby is now. How did that happen? How did he grow so quickly? Am I going to continue to miss it just to get one more thing marked off the list? Just so I can quiet my own inner need to be superwoman? Wouldn't it be better to be Mom? To rewrite the list???
Things to Do
Two out of three isn't bad! Back to kissing my sleeping daughter's head.